Monday, March 9, 2015

5 Second Emergency Bra Fix

Like so many women in this world, I wear bras. And, like so many women, my bras sometimes decide to stab me in the chest. To be fair, my poor bras have suffered years of getting caught on zippers in the washing machine and tumbling through the dryer. I only discovered lingerie bags about six months ago, and hanging bras to dry is still a relatively novel concept for me, so it's really a miracle that my bras didn't start trying to kill me sooner.

Recently, I've been exploring grad school programs that will allow me to attend classes in the evenings after work. Today, I interviewed with one of the programs. And it was then that my best bra sought revenge.

So, there I am, cheerfully discussing my strengths and weaknesses, when suddenly:

Covertly, I try to push the sucker back in so that I wouldn't bleed out from a puncture wound in the middle of the interview. Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to shove a metal stick back into your undergarments without drawing attention to yourself, but it is not easy. I had to strike quickly as my interviewers looked down at their notes.

"So, Ellen..."

Push 1/2 an inch of protruding wire back into bra

"...why are you interested in our program?"

I've run into this problem before, so, like any faithful user of the internet, I tried a standard Pinterest trick: a bit of moleskin. And, unsurprisingly, it didn't work.

Just cut a little strip, they said! You can fix the bra in 30 seconds, they said!

Should I accept the reality that my bra needs to retired and replaced? Probably. Will I continue to keep it in my bra drawer and occasionally wear it to work accidentally and forget about the underwire until it starts attacking me at 11:15 am? Yes. And for anyone else who is in the same boat, this fix is for you:

Use a Band-aid! Or two. You can use one to cover the gaping flesh wound your underwire has created and the other Band-aid to keep the underwire in place.

Is this a permanent solution? No. Can it last long enough for you to finally remember to buy a new bra? Yes.

My fix may have already occurred to you, but it hadn't occurred to me. And I feel pretty damn brilliant for thinking of it all on my own. So you should be impressed.


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